Dear Carol,
My mom has been dating someone and he just broke up with her. Now she’s crying in the bathroom. This is probably the 10th time they’ve broken up. My sister seems chill, but I have a mix of feelings. I don’t know how to comfort my mom—it’s not my thing. Tell me what to do.
– Mom’s A Mess
Dear Mom’s A Mess,
Usually moms comfort kids, but sometimes roles get reversed. If this were the first time your mom’s heart was broken, it would be one thing, but this is trickier because it’s a yo-yo relationship. If your mom were writing to me, I’d try to get her to see that her goal should be to set herself free from this man, not win him back. You say comforting isn’t your thing, but if you want to give it a try, you could slip a note under your mom’s door that says, “I love you” or “I’m sorry you’re sad.” Or, when she’s calmer, say, “Mom, I hate that he keeps hurting you. If he doesn’t appreciate you, he doesn’t deserve you.” Is there a grandparent or aunt you can talk to? It’s kind of you to care, but it’s not your job to get dragged into her continuing drama. P.S. Talk to your sister. She may be less chill than you think and might need someone to discuss the situation with, too.
Carol Weston is the author of 16 books. The latest is Speed of Life, about a teen girl who writes to an advice columnist. Check out carolweston.com for more.
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