Dear Carol,
My older sister and younger brother get every drop of my parents’ attention. I might as well be invisible.
– Sibling Stuff
Dear Sibling Stuff,
Ouch. And classic. Many middle kids get less full-on parental attention (and, of course, some grow up happy to have been spared all that extra scrutiny). Other middle kids become extra resilient and easygoing and good at helping others work things out. If you’re wishing your parents would do a better job of noticing you, speak up. Don’t say: “You never even notice me! It’s like you don’t care about me!” because they might say, “Nonsense. Of course we notice you and care about you.” Instead, start your sentence with “I,” not “You.” And share your feelings. Maybe start with one parent? “I know you don’t mean it and I know you both are really busy and love all three of us, but sometimes I get jealous because you ask my sister about her games and my brother about his classes, and I feel invisible.” I hope they’ll offer a hug. You could also write a note and leave it on their bed. Results guaranteed? No. But you know what? I once told my mom that “All roads lead to Mark” (my brother). And she apologized! We were all adults by then, and this sibling issue inspired me to write Ava and Pip. (Fiction often comes from an author’s real feelings.) Good luck.
Carol Weston is the author of 16 books, including Girltalk, Ava and Pip and Speed of Life, a novel about a 14-year-old girl who writes to an advice columnist. Carol’s audiobooks are on Spotify. More at carolweston.com and on Instagram @carolwestonnyc.
In need of more advice? Here’s more Dear Carol:
💞 “Dear Carol, My Friends Don’t Listen”
💞 “Dear Carol, I Just Can’t Get Over My Crush”
💞 “Dear Carol, I Like This Boy Who Doesn’t Know I Exist”
We want to hear from you! Go here to submit questions to Carol about every sticky sitch life throws at you.
