Dear Carol,
I might be gay and I don’t know what to tell my family. They aren’t homophobic or anything, it’s just that if I’m not certain, should I even tell them? And if I should, how?
– Please Help
Dear Please Help,
The goal is for you to feel good about yourself as a person, friend, family member, student and more. You want to be comfortable with who you are, so allow yourself to be open to your own questions—and keep nurturing your curiosity. Over time, everything will become clearer to you. If you happen to notice, for instance, that it feels more exciting to be with girls than guys, well, that’s a sign. If you and your mom are close, and you want to talk about your path to self-discovery with her, go ahead. Nowadays, it has become more accepted to question one’s identity—it’s natural to wonder about all of this. But if you want to wait until your body gives you more cues, that’s fine, too. Ask yourself which scenario might help you feel more at ease: 1) saying, “Mom, I really want to talk to you about something important: I’ve been wondering if I might be gay…” or 2) keeping the uncertainty to yourself for a while longer. Take into consideration how your mom might react (or overreact). Bear in mind too that as you approach adolescence, it’s normal not to discuss every single thing with your family. A friend vapes or drinks beer? Bad idea, but you might not tell your mom. You have a crush? You might keep it under wraps. If you think that your family will be a supportive sounding board, great. But if you’re afraid they might freak out, give yourself more time to think things through on your own. You’ll find answers soon enough, and I hope you’ll let yourself embrace and love your full self.
Carol Weston is the author of 16 books including Speed of Life (about a girl who writes to an advice columnist). More at carolweston.com and on Instagram @carolwestonnyc.
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