Dear Carol,
Whenever I meet someone, I’m never quite sure if how I feel about them is the way they feel about me. For example, there was this girl I used to hang with every week, but when we exchanged numbers, she never texted me back. I want to make sure I’m not wasting my time with people who don’t appreciate me. I wish people would not send out so many mixed signals. Like when someone my age who I literally just met engages in conversation, it could mean one of two different things. Either they want to know me…or that’s what they do with everyone.
– Unsure
Dear Unsure,
I’m friendly and outgoing, and I tend to be nice to everyone. This doesn’t mean I’m faking it or being inauthentic or trying to lead anyone on or then ghosting them if I don’t follow up. I’m just happy to talk with people and learn about them. Sometimes, we become friends, but more often we go our separate ways. The challenge for all of us is to be patient and open as we get to know each other. We may not know right away how close we’ll become. But casual conversations are not a waste of time, and small talk can turn into big talk and a real bond. Try not to define relationships too quickly. Sometimes you might like someone then cool off on her if you overhear her making fun of someone else. Sometimes you’ll be neutral about someone then admire her more after seeing her perform in a musical or excel at a sport. Try to enjoy getting to know people and letting them get to know you. Relationships are all about nuance, and they need time to grow.
Carol Weston is the author of 16 books, including Girltalk, Ava and Pip and Speed of Life, a novel about a 14-year-old girl who writes to an advice columnist. Carol’s audiobooks are on Spotify. More at carolweston.com and on Instagram @carolwestonnyc.
Dealing with probs? Read more Dear Carol here:
💞 “Dear Carol, I Just Can’t Get Over My Crush”
💞 “Dear Carol, My Siblings Get All The Attention”
💞 “Dear Carol, I Like This Boy Who Doesn’t Know I Exist”
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